T he first canceled date was a bad omen. I was sipping wine with a friend, killing time. I took my friend to the show instead.
As case rates rise nationally, the pursuit of love—like much of life—remains stuck in virtual limbo. After Sean canceled, the chips fell quickly: lockdownsself-quarantines and isolation became the norm.
I had connected on an app with another potential date, a musician named Chris, in February. He was kind and curious in his text banter, and as we hunkered down in our apartments we shared music recommendations and fears about the future. Soon, we were both living back at home with our parents, separated by a two-hour time difference and 2, miles. We never spoke on the phone, never FaceTimed. But I learned the things that made Chris tick, his relationship with his parents, his sadness when his childhood house was sold, then demolished.
Now, 9 months in, the pandemic has made these kinds of fully-virtual relationships commonplace. When I was a kid, I thought having a pen pal like this would be the height of romance.
I was wrong, of course: at night, the blue light of my phone keeps me company, but the loneliness does not fade. I may be lonely, but in that, at least, I am not alone.
Smaller sites like The Inner Circle saw message frequency double. Stuck at home and with little to do, people began to stack Zoom dates like they would work calls. New initiatives, like the aptly named Quarantine Together and Love Is Quarantinepopped up to cater to the circumstances directly. Existing apps like Hinge, Tinder and Bumble launched or bolstered their in-platform video chat capabilities, encouraging the jump to FaceTime if not face time. An Internet Boyfriend often plays characters that are just as intriguing—or even more intriguing—than the Internet Boyfriend himself.
Pretty celebrities with ample documentation online, they are cyphers for our hopes, however unrequited those dreams may stubbornly remain. My internet boyfriends are real, everyday people, even if made concrete only by the photos they post and the messages they send. Chris was just a collection of grey text boxes on a white screen, a guy who was particular about punctuation, until we had a drink and I discovered the contours of his quick smile and the timbre of his voice.
He spent the summer and fall traveling the West in a vanand now when I think of him, I hear his Southern drawl describing the moon while driving through the empty New Mexican desert. Brian sent an emoji reaction to my Instagram Stories almost daily for six months from his own Midwestern isolation, but faced with being back in the same city, we both chickened out about planning a meeting. I sent him a Google Doc guide to my favorite places and he sent me feedback on his dinners and hikes. But we have the same taste in restaurants and hikes, and life is up in the air enough that right now, that seems like enough reason to stay in touch.
Why concern ourselves with the parameters of reality? Why not keep an open mind?
The list of internet pseudo-boyfriends goes on. Each of them may be distilled to their digital personas, but they have changed the way I think about dating; they have taught me to step back and try to communicate without expectations. My shifting dating attitude is reflected nationally. A study released in the spring backed by Match. She asked him to kiss in the comments of a Shadowboxers encore set.
The forever-online boyfriends of the pandemic
Then, as the pandemic dragged on, their online love story dwindled. They never met. They do still talk, he said. Maybe Sean and I will finally go on that date once we eventually get vaccinatedif we end up in the same city. But maybe he—and every other one of these internet boyfriends—will eventually fade out of my life, their purpose served. Write to Raisa Bruner at raisa.
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