Jess O'Hare loved living in New Hampshire. She moved to Concord for a job as an environmental organizer just after her college graduation and enjoyed the affordability, tight-knit community, and natural landscapes.
You'd just get it all in," she said. I had a wonderful network of friends, I loved my job, but one of the things that was missing was that it was really challenging to find single people my age," O'Hare said. Things are much more transparent than they would have been before," said O'Hare. And you cycle through people pretty quickly in New Hampshire. She found herself swiping and talking with people in Kittery, Maine—an hour east—and had friends who drove an hour west to Vermont for first dates.
Plus, she regularly had to swipe through people she knew personally.
New hampshire magazine
The dating apps gave O'Hare somewhat unnerving insight into her potential dating pool. The idea of a "dating pool" can be difficult to identify and might mean something different for everyone: It's defined by sexuality, distance you're willing to travel, preferences regarding height, age, or weight, education, or interest in starting a family.
Take O'Hare, for example. She's in her early thirties and looking for someone around the same age.
In Merrimack County, where she lived, there were almost 10, unmarried men between the ages of 20 and 34, according to the American Community Survey for Unmarried people in the same bracket add up to just under 15 percent of the overall population, but compared to New York City and its surrounding boroughs, unmarried people make up 22 percent of the total population.
But searching the census for singleness or eligibility is tricky.
Just because someone is unmarried doesn't mean they're available or even looking for a partner. While there is a whole genre of clickbait articles that rank the best U. The point is nobody really knows the best place to date, and the lived experience might look and feel quite different than what the data suggests. Unmarried men and women between ages 20 and 34, as estimated by the American Community Survey for This data is subject to a margin of error.
You just have to go on a of dates to find someone compatible. That's true everywhere," she said. We would kind of mourn the fact that all of these single people would then leave. It was noticeable! And she'd wonder: "Am I doing the wrong thing by staying here? Am I going to meet someone compatible with me?
It was a constant conversation that we were having. But I had a funny reaction: I felt very alienated suddenly.
Singles dances are back!
They were entering this stage of life that I had no experience in, and I felt kind of left behind. It made it very clear that I was not in that same place. It made me feel even lonelier," said O'Hare. In springO'Hare relocated to Brooklyn. While she had social and professional reasons to move, she's open about the fact that dating was a major factor in her decision.
I mean, I'm supposed to be a modern woman, surging forward in her career," she said. But it's really important! If you're somebody who's seeking out a relationship and that's something you want, that's a really big part of life. It's still early days for O'Hare's transition to the big city. Her job has kept her busy during her first summer in New York and she hasn't had much time for the dating apps. For single people in New Hampshire, O'Hare's story isn't exactly uplifting. Are things really so bleak? She's a professional matchmaker, so it's her job to believe in the possibility of romance.
If you move to New Hampshire and think, I'm going to go out there and meet the person of my dreams in New Hampshire and you leave no stone unturned, I think you will. I think it's all about putting yourself out there, no matter where you are. The artwork in the office has a floral motif, sometimes embellished with an encouraging message.
The placard hanging near Lewis' desk re: "Together is a nice place to be. Sullivan started the business inback when Together operated all over the country. Today, the New Hampshire office is the only one left. We're kind of what you would call an old-fashioned matchmaker I interview everybody that we match up," said Lewis. Sometimes I think it's going to be a home run and it's not, other times I think, maybe Clients are typically 45 years old, and older.
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Lewis thinks that people in their twenties and thirties mostly rely on apps, but there was a time when they did have younger clients. And Fred likes clocks, so the office is always loaded with clocks. And she said, is this is abecause my biological clock is ticking?
And I said, aren't you funny!
Fred just collects clocks," Lewis recalled. Lewis and Sullivan do not match gay, lesbian, or queer singles, although Lewis says she's considered it. I would love to do that. At this stage of the game, we're not doing that. There are definitely a lot of options out there for everybody," said Lewis.
Why a matchmaker
It's something that's crossed my mind though. I won't say I haven't seriously thought about it, just It's not to say that we wouldn't though. Online dating has opened up a lot more possibilities for queer people living in rural America, according to Skyler Wang, a PhD student in sociology at U. He studies how online arrangements influence offline relationships on platforms, including Airbnb, Couchsurfing, and dating apps. For those who might not have the resources to move, dating apps can fill a gap in rural America.
It can change what's possible, and who is possible to meet.
And I think that's a good thing. You see a lot more diversity in relationships now because of online dating, because you're driving an hour away to meet someone that is not within the usual scope of people that you hang out with. And that person may not be white, that person not be whatever that you're used to.
I think that instead of thinking of it as lowering standards or settling or whatnot, we need to understand that love isn't always convenient.
Your last first date could be one match away.
It's not always easy. I don't think this is settling. I think this is just seeing what's out there because you never know what might come your way that you thought you didn't like, but you're sort of intrigued by it. You don't want to cut yourself out. You want to leave yourself with those options when they arrive. When in doubt, swipe right.
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