The setup: Almost all of us have been on one side of this social ritual at least once. And to live through it is to know firsthand how awkward it really is. No one is to blame, of course. Our social networks are limited, and this formula can lead to a lot of pressure for a connection likely built on pretty shallow compatibilities.
So inTufvesson and Lewis set about creating the opposite: a network of people who wanted to be set up, a network large enough to be thoughtful and meaningful but small enough to ensure that the two women knew every member personally. And because they are in the business of orchestrating good first dates, they also have some helpful data and advice to share on that subject, too. Lewis: We keep it methodical. Everyone has to send in a bio so we learn the basics: How old are you, what do you do, where did you go to school, why are you writing to us?
And we ask them to send recent photos. Are you who you say you are? Tufvesson: In that bio, we want to make sure people have realistic expectations and the right intentions. Obviously, you have to date in order to find that person, but this is not a place for just dating. Everything from allergies to sex drive to your relationship with your parents.
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We try to delve into the psyche a little bit. Who inspires you?
Your privacy is protected, which is unique—each person just gets our description of the other person. We typically do drinks for the first date. It could be bad breath.
Our members really appreciate honesty. Is it something I did?
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Give me a call. Tufvesson: It depends on the person.
Tufvesson: And we can be as involved or as uninvolved as they want. Our members are always welcome to call us.
Lose heart, not money, with dating services
I spend a lot of time on the phone, needless to say. Tufvesson: One thing that always surprises me is that men really value eye contact. That said, these dates are blind, and both women and men get nervous if they think the person is attractive. If you feel any sort of chemistry or spark, look at them in the eyes.
The other thing that we also tell both the men and the women is that the date should be a dialogue. I tell the men to ask a lot of questions—about her profession or her family or her goals. Men can get nervous on a first date and try to sell themselves, in a way, so they end up trying to impress her by talking about themselves rather than asking about her.
There is a level of comfort. People also focus too much on pedigree. They might actually be good for each other because they can teach each other things. And ultimately, a relationship really thrives when you can learn from each other. Lewis: Some of our members have definitely tried them.
Two professional matchmakers tell us their secrets
A lot of the women I meet feel exasperated. You basically had Match. I have a lot of friends who met on apps around the time that these apps launched—people who are now married because of it. Lewis: But you can think that you do because someone can be so witty or so charming over the phone, and then you meet them, and they might actually be great. But then you kind of realize: This person is also great every other night of the week, when he goes on dates with different girls. Because ultimately this kind of guy can have a blast with himself.
Crescent city cupid parnes a ‘match made in nola’
Those types of people tend to have a great time with anyone. Born in Manhattan, The Bevy cofounder Greta Tufvesson has spent the last twelve years working in the fields of fashion, hospitality, and brand consulting. Tufvesson introduced matchmaking to the social crowd of New York City. After four years, she perfected the art of the introduction and landed the title of vice president at the young age of twenty-four.
Lewis continues to build and sustain her influential network, which will continue to grow within her own venture. When you think you might have a match, do you connect them? How does that process work?
Lewis: We stay back and keep our distance. Lewis: Each side should be doing 50 percent of the talking. You may also like.